Mothers Day is here again and many moms out there wish they would rather cancel the day because it just leaves them disappointed.
It is an emotional roller coaster day and it is hard not to reflect on your own performance or success as a mom.
So why are so many mothers out there forgotten on Mother’s day?
Why is Mothers Day such a disappointment for so many mothers?
Why is it a day that are filled with sadness for many?
We all just want to feel appreciated
Our human need for acknowledgment and recognition is a very strong need that stems back all the way from childhood. Your need to belong, to get approval, to being validated and acknowledged helps us to feel more secure and accepted.
I am a facilitator for a program that we run at our church, called Celebrate Recovery. It is a program that assist with dealing with hurts, habits and hang ups and I can tell you that a lot of issues for many, especially women stems back from childhood. For a large number of people their relationship with their mother caused a lot of baggage that they carry around with them.
Mother is one of those emotionally laden words.
When we think of our mom it stirs an emotion inside us, whether she is or was loving or not.
Being a mother myself I have so much more appreciation for my own mom and feel really guilty that I wasn’t grateful enough while she was still on this earth to thank her for her thoughtfulness, her care and the fact that she put herself on the back burner for us.
If you are all out of ideas what to get your mom, even a belated gift would be great, then just click here:
It is a sad day for many
Everyone has a mom but everyone’s story looks different and for many it is truly a sad day.
- You may have lost your mom and grief her loss on Mothers Day. This might be a day that is filled with regret for you or filled with sadness as you see your friends on social media spending the day with their mom.
- You might desire to be a mother yourself and it just is not happening.
I have been on that journey myself and I know how sad that can be. Every month you go through this roller coaster of emotions. Looking at images of your friends and family may fill you with deep sadness. Family gatherings are the worst especially if someone is asking when are you going to start with a family?’ Ugh, little do they know how hard you have been trying and how much stress this is putting on your relationship already.
- You might be a single mom, struggling to cope.
Whether you are divorced, a widow or whatever other reason landed you to be a single mom it is still a day that you realize that you are navigating mothering on your own and that you don’t have a significant other that is going to make a fuss about you or show you that you are appreciated.
- You might have really strained relationships with your kids or the way you have envisioned them as adults does not look at all at who they have chosen to be. This can be a pandora’s box on its’ own.
Social media makes it worst
Seeing the images of other families who do get it right and show love and gratitude for their moms makes it worse for the ones that were forgotten. Then to top it off, you have Monday morning at work where you colleagues are asking you how was your Mothers Day?
For many moms they are just so disappointed that they are the ones that make every other celebration special for those around them.
Putting on great efforts for birthdays, Fathers Day, Easter and Christmas to create memories and make much of the other person yet on Mothers Day they are forgotten, no one is returning anything to make them feel special.
Feeling like a failure as a mother
This came up again and again for many mothers and I can recall myself feeling like that on more than one Mothers Day. Have I failed as a mom to not teach my children to care enough about another person especially family to show a little act of kindness or demonstrate that they care about them.
Now I have been a mother for 24 years and I think thoughtfulness needs to be taught or prompted. A handful of people are born that way. The question is really why is this only a mothers job? For many moms they are disappointed at the fact that their partners did nothing or didn’t prompt the kids to organize something. For many young moms or first time mothers this is especially a hard thing to comprehend. How can my loving partner just do nothing?
You are not my mother
For many women, myself included, this is one of the popular excuses from their partners . Mothers Day in their eyes are just for their own mother and not the mother of their own children. This especially is a hard pill to swallow for many moms. Resentment can start growing from this because when Fathers Day rolls around we make sure that the kids make a big deal of their dad and make him feel special.
Teaching your children to appreciate their mother is so valuable for their relationship with their mother but it is extremely powerful for your relationship with your kids Dads. Even though you might be divorced, teaching your children to say thank you to their mother makes you look like the bigger person.
What does she want?
Moms just want to feel appreciated for all that they do. For one day of the year they would actually just want to curl up with a book or watch a movie. They don’t want to plan anything to eat, they don’t want to clean up after anyone. Moms do that year round. For one day of the year she just want to be served perhaps. A humble cup of tea offered to a mom to just sit back and feel appreciated. Perhaps getting your mom a Kindle would be a fantastic gift.
Mom you have to organize it
Even though we expect them to remember we have to remind them.
- Put it on the calendar or your activity sheet where everyone can see it.
- Remind them that it is coming up and ask them what they are planning to make. Most of the time it is the moms who are doing the foods hopping, so communicate what you would like to have and then make sure that they put it on the shopping list. That way you are leaving the ball in their court but you have to buy the ball first, if you get what I mean.
- I honestly don’t care about gifts, but that is just me. If you really would like gifts and flowers well say so. Expressing your needs and wants beforehand is so much better for everyone than having to deal with a pity party and feeling all these negative emotions for weeks after Mothers Day.
We always go to his mom for Mothers Day
I had that for many years until we moved continents away from his mom. If this is the case for you, then take a rain check. Decide as a family when will be a good day to celebrate Mothers Day then.
Pick a date and just do it. So you have to organize your own Mothers Day but it needs to be important. Putting healthy boundaries down is showing yourself some self care and self-respect.
Stop Dreading Mothers Day – Celebrate it
Even some may feel that they wish they would rather cancel Mothers Day because it causes so much negative emotions, grief and sadness. No one can take away the fact that you are a mother. This might be a very sad season in your life where you are not able to see your children. You are still a mother and have so many memories .
It may be helpful to get a celebration plan into action.
Missing your mom on mothers Day
If you have lost your mom and really miss her and would give anything to just celebrate the day with her you can
- make her favorite dessert
- drink her favorite tea or wine
- listen to her favorite music
Be kind to yourself
Showing yourself some kindness and self-love is another way to celebrate the day, even if everyone else forgets the day
- buying flowers for yourself
- go for a nice walk
- take a nice bubble bath – you can add some essential oils to your bath water for some emotional support
- sit down for a few minutes with a cup of tea – undisturbed. I know, you might be reading this with little children and think to yourself that you don’t even get undisturbed time in the toilet.
- Been there, done that. This too shall pass.
I will share one of my favorite prayers with you. It is great especially if you need discernment about the things you can change and the things you can’t .
God grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time.
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would like it.
Trusting that he will make all things right,
If I surrender to his will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this world
And supremely happy in the next.
Reinhold Niebuhr, Theologian
Take care of you so that you can take care of those you love
ELize
Feel free to share your story below.
Resources
https://monicaswanson.com/five-ways-to-avoid-mothers-day-disappointment/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/evolution-the-self/201301/why-people-dont-acknowledge-you
https://twloha.com/blog/i-would-love-cancel-mothers-day/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/difficult-mother_b_5270108
https://theindigoproject.com.au/how-to-get-through-a-difficult-mothers-day/